relationships

Am I, a bad person? An ode to change.

I drift in just a stereotypically trouble girl aspect. I don’t see the appeal of a best friend nor do I wish to have one. My own company at times is too much for be. I am independent among the height of most things, independent and self-driven. I am independent, nomadic but yet attached to a small few.

I don’t want to be your bff, I honestly do not care enough to run through the annoyance of small talk. The small talk itself is you trying to make me become someone I am simply not. And that is this close intertwined sister like figure, so close it hurts. That’s not me, it never will be.

I dislike your need to bring me further in, it’s only my annoyance my guilty annoyance fester inside me. Why, am I so guilty. I know it’s me been moody making me not soo much into your chats make like my fluctuating desire for coffee, my need and will power to withstand this chit chat slowly fades deeper. I feel myself find the idea of socializing with someone whom once was a close friend, ( here’s that word again ) guilty.

But, I have changed. I have not grown up, to say the least. But, I have changed. I have become selfish, but I had to. I have expanded out of this dull little shell, I don’t want to hold your hand. I honestly have better things to do. For me, you may need to change, but then I will change again. Like I always do. I transform into another shade of myself for a year or two, then transform again. And that is just me, you can’t keep up with these waves. The idea is to not.

It’s the guilt of me knowing what I am doing that’s the selfish part, I need to be alone. I need to be with open minded independent people. I don’t want to live the same lives as it was before. The dynamics are shifted much like life does, and now we are in different tides crossing the ocean and that’s ok. They may cross again, they may not.

I hate to use the line, it’s not you, it’s me. But, that’s the truth. I am in a different place are your habitual in nature and that’s the way it is.

Like ships on the open sea, we may cross paths one day.

 

……….

and an ode to possible ending a friendship

 

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Passion Fruit without passion

The quarter life crisis has been proven to be an actual thing.This sense of losing , lonesome feelings as the tides of adulthood pull you into the glowing depth of boredom. This melodic nature of the easy, the comfortable way of life…result in utter boredom is the death of the creative root of passion.

Where has my passion gone? Who took it? Did I take it ? Did I leave it somewhere? Do I even want it bacK? Or the real question am I just lazy?

Not so long ago I did, in fact, have what I thought to be, passion. But, much like the every glazing approach of life has stripped it away from me. Like the leafs fall in the autumn air that lacks in South East Queensland ( Autumn is not a thing).

I used to have this focused energy and exact idea of what I wanted to be….but, now it was gone. I wanted to somehow collude the worlds of my love affair of fine leather goods ( and goods in general), with the world of advertising. In my deluded mind, I would spend my days dressed in Prozner and Chole while coming up with million dollar idea. Strange I know….oh the hope.

Little did I fail to grasp my dramatically terrible English skills that I have been reminded of since my early schooling. The borderline dyslexic copywriter is never really going to take off or sell well. 

This mindset it way I sit here, confused oh so very confused and terrified that I will work in a bland cubical and spend my days looking spreadsheets.

A passionfruit without passion is just a fruit and even then that’s not that amazing. 

Kind regards, the passionless passion fruit that now tastes bland and dull  

Little life adivce

I once dated this guy, well it seemed we were. He was sweet and nice and it were cute together , but something wasn’t quite right at the end. Maybe , it was another girl or maybe he got bored but after one date , nothing , I literary never heard from him again after dating for two months. Its like he didn’t have the guts to actually tell me it wasn’t working. The moral of this tale is kids , don’t date someone is your not ready to break up with someone. The same goes for jobs and the way your dress, if you aren’t ready to here the negative maybe you need to work on yourself. After all this is how we learn.