life story

Am I, a bad person? An ode to change.

I drift in just a stereotypically trouble girl aspect. I don’t see the appeal of a best friend nor do I wish to have one. My own company at times is too much for be. I am independent among the height of most things, independent and self-driven. I am independent, nomadic but yet attached to a small few.

I don’t want to be your bff, I honestly do not care enough to run through the annoyance of small talk. The small talk itself is you trying to make me become someone I am simply not. And that is this close intertwined sister like figure, so close it hurts. That’s not me, it never will be.

I dislike your need to bring me further in, it’s only my annoyance my guilty annoyance fester inside me. Why, am I so guilty. I know it’s me been moody making me not soo much into your chats make like my fluctuating desire for coffee, my need and will power to withstand this chit chat slowly fades deeper. I feel myself find the idea of socializing with someone whom once was a close friend, ( here’s that word again ) guilty.

But, I have changed. I have not grown up, to say the least. But, I have changed. I have become selfish, but I had to. I have expanded out of this dull little shell, I don’t want to hold your hand. I honestly have better things to do. For me, you may need to change, but then I will change again. Like I always do. I transform into another shade of myself for a year or two, then transform again. And that is just me, you can’t keep up with these waves. The idea is to not.

It’s the guilt of me knowing what I am doing that’s the selfish part, I need to be alone. I need to be with open minded independent people. I don’t want to live the same lives as it was before. The dynamics are shifted much like life does, and now we are in different tides crossing the ocean and that’s ok. They may cross again, they may not.

I hate to use the line, it’s not you, it’s me. But, that’s the truth. I am in a different place are your habitual in nature and that’s the way it is.

Like ships on the open sea, we may cross paths one day.

 

……….

and an ode to possible ending a friendship

 

Advertisements

Passion Fruit without passion

The quarter life crisis has been proven to be an actual thing.This sense of losing , lonesome feelings as the tides of adulthood pull you into the glowing depth of boredom. This melodic nature of the easy, the comfortable way of life…result in utter boredom is the death of the creative root of passion.

Where has my passion gone? Who took it? Did I take it ? Did I leave it somewhere? Do I even want it bacK? Or the real question am I just lazy?

Not so long ago I did, in fact, have what I thought to be, passion. But, much like the every glazing approach of life has stripped it away from me. Like the leafs fall in the autumn air that lacks in South East Queensland ( Autumn is not a thing).

I used to have this focused energy and exact idea of what I wanted to be….but, now it was gone. I wanted to somehow collude the worlds of my love affair of fine leather goods ( and goods in general), with the world of advertising. In my deluded mind, I would spend my days dressed in Prozner and Chole while coming up with million dollar idea. Strange I know….oh the hope.

Little did I fail to grasp my dramatically terrible English skills that I have been reminded of since my early schooling. The borderline dyslexic copywriter is never really going to take off or sell well. 

This mindset it way I sit here, confused oh so very confused and terrified that I will work in a bland cubical and spend my days looking spreadsheets.

A passionfruit without passion is just a fruit and even then that’s not that amazing. 

Kind regards, the passionless passion fruit that now tastes bland and dull  

Maybe I’m Kanye

There are many times within a normal day what would “Kanye do?” Or “what would Kanye wear” . Of course she would wear cashmere.

Than one day it dawned on me I am in fact kind of Kanye. Firstly, I love myself ! Typical Kanye trait. I aspired to justices in the world, so too does Kanye , but most of all I too am a realist.

I am a realistic individual. I am not 100% sure when the tables turned from been a classic optimistic person , whom one would describe as “bubbly”. To a realised , I person I am today. Although, I wear my realism flag with pride like Kanye does. Like Kanye, I understand certain things in life. That things ain’t easy , thanks yeezie. ( see what I did there ). I get that you have to work hard and 99% your going to be knocked down or grown. But  realist just have a more truthful perception on the world. My mainly is due to dating. Optimistic people you see create ideals for people, that everyone will be happy and find ‘the one’, they will tell their friends that the guys going to message him , and well all know he won’t. For me personal oprimitistc people are the biggest liars. That’s why the honest ‘realist’ is the way to be . I get that he isn’t going to call and I know there isn’t a one . I know there isn’t a lot of things and its sad when it dawns on your , but your get over it.

Life as a realist is very fun.I have a deep spiritually  bond with Kanye and understand the likes  Seinfeld.I continue  to be sarcastic to an extent when I myself am unsure when I am joking or not. But my realised ways have taught me to be myself and world this is who I am so you better deal with it.

Kanye West

Realist  are such a happy bunch of people