I drift in just a stereotypically trouble girl aspect. I don’t see the appeal of a best friend nor do I wish to have one. My own company at times is too much for be. I am independent among the height of most things, independent and self-driven. I am independent, nomadic but yet attached to a small few.
I don’t want to be your bff, I honestly do not care enough to run through the annoyance of small talk. The small talk itself is you trying to make me become someone I am simply not. And that is this close intertwined sister like figure, so close it hurts. That’s not me, it never will be.
I dislike your need to bring me further in, it’s only my annoyance my guilty annoyance fester inside me. Why, am I so guilty. I know it’s me been moody making me not soo much into your chats make like my fluctuating desire for coffee, my need and will power to withstand this chit chat slowly fades deeper. I feel myself find the idea of socializing with someone whom once was a close friend, ( here’s that word again ) guilty.
But, I have changed. I have not grown up, to say the least. But, I have changed. I have become selfish, but I had to. I have expanded out of this dull little shell, I don’t want to hold your hand. I honestly have better things to do. For me, you may need to change, but then I will change again. Like I always do. I transform into another shade of myself for a year or two, then transform again. And that is just me, you can’t keep up with these waves. The idea is to not.
It’s the guilt of me knowing what I am doing that’s the selfish part, I need to be alone. I need to be with open minded independent people. I don’t want to live the same lives as it was before. The dynamics are shifted much like life does, and now we are in different tides crossing the ocean and that’s ok. They may cross again, they may not.
I hate to use the line, it’s not you, it’s me. But, that’s the truth. I am in a different place are your habitual in nature and that’s the way it is.
Like ships on the open sea, we may cross paths one day.
and an ode to possible ending a friendship